01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)

Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _


“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .


It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.


For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.


I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.


My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

Look; Critics in the sea, light beneath the deep.. (Just to get a taste)

Music/title: Some Assembly Required; Abhi The Nomad (ft. Foster)
_ _


“Is my pleasure, divine center.”

. .


Three deep, so far so good.

It’s different this time.
Almost, simple..
Everything is getting less complicated.

Your work.
Your health.
Your love.

I’m afraid to get too comfortable.
Seems there’s always something to drag me down.

But.. Maybe not.
Maybe that’s what they mean by growth?
We can only grow from experiences.
We can only learn from living-
From the success to the catastrophic failures, we achieve…


That’s just it;
They are all achievements.

And in the end, it all accumulates to the same:


…We are the stuff of stars.


01.20.18 [3/52] And all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty- Highlights to wanna repeat.. But this is how it goes; The end credits—they roll.. (This bridge was built over kerosene)

Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
_ _


“Cause happy endings hardest to fake.”

. . ….


It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]

The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.

– –

I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.


That’s where you’d be wrong.

/ / /

So let’s run..

But we couldn’t do this to ourselves if it was never worth it, never worth it… (I don’t know how not to fuck this up again)

Music/title: Don’t Fuck This Up; Andrew Applepie
_ _


“I swear I’m not trying to fuck you up.”

. .


I saw myself in her;
A former self-

A truly dedicated slave.

Surely she’s still alive in there.


The older I get, the further away it becomes.
A more distant dream.
One I used to have, to want daily..

Where did it go?
Who have I become?

It’s okay if I like the changes, right?




[ You know you could always ask him.
He knows more about you than you think.

..Don’t forget how this all began. ]


/ / /


Good Mythical Morning.


Baby if you don’t stand for something, how can you ever stand at all… (You’ll be swept back by the fall)

Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
_ _


“She said she was nothing but eager.”

. . .. ..


This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?

I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?

I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..


And we’re not the character we intended to become.

/ / /

Then you said you said you said you said you said…

They’re bold; The knots that bind her love- The product of desire to inspire selfish harmony, Oh.. (And what I want is your body)

Music/title: Freaky Love; Captain Kidd
_ _


“My vaccine;
Recurring Siamese dream-
Illuminate hallucinations burnt into the back of your mind..”

. . .. .


I see the remnants of the fire, but where is the spark?


The slow down is building.
The desire is fueling,
But I can’t seem to ignite.

. .


“And what I need
Is your body
(Your freaky love)”


And days die young… (When you’re gone, and you’re gone)

Music/title: Oceans; The Fray
_ _


“There goes the sun, oceans away!”

. . . ..


Better and better it gets.
This is where I needed to be.


I want it all.
I want everything life took from me- All of it.
I refuse to feel guilt,
because I deserve this.

The hand life deals does not dictate the end result- don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise.

I should be dead.
But I am not.



So throw away those shitty cards.
Open a new deck- A new world.
Re-imagine life the way you want,

And take it.